Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Greek God

***ARCHIVED FROM MYSPACE: 7/22/08***

hahaha, found this little charm somewhere on myspace...oh man, entertainment....

 

I am a greek god.  I go to frat parties. I love to fight. I especially love to fight GDIs. I think if GDIs were cool, that they would have rushed a frat in the first place. I most are jealous of my social life. I know that I am more fun and can party harder than any GDI. I am exclusive. I run mixers. I am the brains behind spring break. I am the reason road trips exist. I hope you enjoyed my party last weekend. I can recite the greek alphabet before the fire of a match burns out. I can rattle off my founding fathers as well as my fraternity obligations, but don’t know the words to my school song or my history professors last name. I don’t go to class. I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don’t buy books. I have a low GPA. I have an endless supply of doctor notes from the campus health center. I am thankful that my frat brothers will get me a job after I graduate, because I know I can’t get one on my own. I drink because I’m cool. I drink a lot because I’m cooler than you. I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public. I have keg parties and do keg stands. I am the master of all drinking games. I own you in quarters. I’ve never had to drink in the game “I never.” If I cant find my beer bong, I know I can get one next door. I don’t binge drink, I continually drink. I have a pre party for the pre party. I can dance, especially when I’m drunk. I wear my letters. I billboard my letters on sweatshirts. Most of my wardrobe is frat party shirts. I wear long sleeved shirts under my short sleeved shirts. I tuck in the front and let the back hang out. My hair is a mess (not anymore), yet totally in style. I sometimes don’t shave for weeks at a time. Ladies love me, but more importantly I know, ladies love me. I don’t wear condoms cause they don’t feel as good. I believe that a girl gives up her right to say no if she is at a party with us after 1:30 am. I am shady. I will cock block if I have to. I don’t care about what girls say. I only care about my brothers and myself. I will say anything to get a girl in bed. I will say even more to get a freshmen girl into bed because I know she will believe me. I am a player and I do crush a lot. I am often loud and obnoxious. I think living among rodents builds character. I love the smell of old beer in the carpet. I leave the seat up. I don’t clean up after myself. I put on a great front for parent’s weekend. No one can see through me. I know every word to every song by Willie Nelson, David Allen Coe, and Jerry Jeff Walker. I will sing them for you if you haven’t picked up by the end of the night. I cant remember my parents home phone number, but I know every digit to their calling card. I haze my pledges. I make them eat, drink, and do things that you would not imagine. I make them clean my house. I emotionally scar them for life. I abuse them physically. I make them cry. I call them pussies. I later call them brother if they don’t de-pledge along the way. I know hell week. I am everything wrong in America. I am everything you wish you could be. You want it, I live it. I AM A GREEK GOD.